Family and domestic violence (DV) is a real problem in our society. There is a need for our churches to address the issue openly. We can often think domestic violence only happens ‘out there’ in the community. However, recent studies remind us it is also occurring within church families.
The Anglican Family Violence research indicates the rates of domestic violence in the church might be higher than the community average. Shame can cause victims of DV in our churches to keep it hidden and in the dark, which is why we need to bring DV into the light.
Marriages and families are precious to God. Marriage is intended as a loving covenant in which women and men can flourish. Violence and abuse undermine God’s intention for marriage. Yet, one in six women, and one in 16 men have experienced violence by an intimate partner.
There is generally no single cause for DV but a range of factors. Unfortunately, our theology can contribute to this if our message undermines the principle that women fully share the dignity of being made in the image of God.
WHAT TO DO?
Listen to and support victims. There are various training courses available to help pastors know how to respond when faced with incidents, or suspected incidents, of DV such as Lifeline’s free DV-alert Training. We recommend all churches have on hand a list of appropriate services for referral for victims of family and domestic violence to ensure they receive effective support. Many of our churches already run services assisting victims and survivors with practical needs and counselling support.
Prevention. How can we be involved in helping prevent family and domestic abuse. Again, some churches already run programs, such as addressing anger management and other underlying issues. The Church can also help in prevention.
Here are some simple things we can do to engage men and boys in the prevention of family and domestic violence:
• Spotlighting positive role models of husbands and fathers who demonstrate healthy masculinity and respect towards the women in their lives.
• Providing safe spaces for men to share their feelings with one another, including verbalizing their stresses and challenges. Being open about mental health can be a significant factor in preventing DV.
• De-bunking the myth of self-sufficiency. You don’t need to be strong and tough all the time to prove your value. We have and need a Saviour.
• Ask your church and community: What pressures or expectations do you think men and boys face? Then begin to help address these pressures through sermons, testimonies, and other communication strategies.
• Creating a culture where values such as compassion and kindness are championed.
By bringing DV into the light, we can help bring transformation to our churches and communities, and thereby reflect the love, faith and hope of Jesus.
